By: Aunt Sherry "My First Camping Trip"

My Aunt Sherry, my mom's second to the youngest sister, isn't the typical outdoors woman . BELIEVE ME!! She has lived in Alabama and Indiana for most of her adult life and prefers being indoors (away from thunderstorms and weird wildlife) - of course she keeps saying she wants to move up here! You have to read her story about her camping trip with her boyfriend Rick!! There are some parts you probably don't want to hear, but it is still hilarious!! She cracks me up!! I sure have a crazy family! She approved me posting this for my frequent audience.

Subject: My First Camping Trip (aka "The Moore Girls - Like It Or Not!" Ch. 1)
(WARNING: some of this is TMI (too much information))

I can't believe I actually went camping!!! How proud I am of myself.

First, we had to pick out the site. We drove around and finally picked out the perfect site. Number 74... A little secluded and far enough from the "potties" that we won't be bothered by that. They are in view but on the other side of the camping area. Perfect. I can just run across any time I want to.

We then proceeded to put up our brand new tent. At this point, I realized I am merely a woman the MAN should handle this. What made me realize this? When I asked Rick where the instructions were and he said "In my back pocket. I know how to do this. I've put up hundreds of tents". He proceeds to get out all of the equipment a man needs to put up a tent which consists of one hammer. He then hands me a little bag with tent stakes in them. They are rather bright, yellow plastic stakes. He then tells me to go around the tent and place a stake at each place there is a little round ring. Of course, I miss a couple which almost caused a paradox of the space time continuum forcing us to repack the tent and start all over again. (Wait a minute, I thought HE was supposed to do all this???)

He then proceeds to hammer in the stakes, with his brute force, he whomps them puppies with the force of Hercules! What a stud!!!

Now comes the razing of the tent. This of course is what separates the men from the boys. The mission: To get this tent up (by himself) without error, in one fail swoop that takes the strength and concentration of a real mountain man (almost sounds like an oxymoron, huh?).

So he hands ME the poles to put together. They snap together to make two very long flexible poles that criss-cross over the outside of the tent. Easy enough. Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap. Criss-cross... Okay, that part done...

Each end of the poles are supposed to slide over these little silver loopy looking things. Okay, that part done... Now the poles are being held up in the air by Mountain Man and now the hooks along the four corners of the tent need to be attached. As he is standing there holding these poles he says "Baby, can you help me here for a minute?" (uhhhh, and what have I been doing for last 1/2 hour? Hey, I thought I was just the eye-candy!!!)

So I go over and help him by holding the poles up as he starts to snap the corners of the tent to the poles. Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap.

He then realizes that there are some extra little things laying over there that he (we) haven't used yet and maybe he should pull out the instructions just to make sure it looks like the picture.

After a few grunts, groans and "why don't they make tents like they used to, they used to be so much easier!!!" we read the directions. WE realize that WE need to unsnap the tent from the poles (snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap) and run the poles through these big loops at the top to help hold it up. Then re-snap the tent to the poles (snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap).

So HE finally gets the tent up and the little tarp up and our little front door and it looks great. I proceed to tell him what a wonderful job he did. Now he's a PROUD Mountain Man!!!

We then proceeded to decorate our new love nest. Blow up mattress, and all... Unfortunately, we had the wrong mattress and it was a twin size. Ahhh, but ladies... Chivalry is not dead. He blew up the mattress and laid the foam pad we had also brought with us. He said he would sleep on the pad and I could have the mattress. How sweet is that. My sweet honey buns.

We decide we still have a few hours of daylight left so we get a boat and go fishing... As we are loading up the boat, some old fisherman came up and said, "Gonna go out there?" and we said "yep" and he said "Fronts coming in. Supposed to storm". Rick says, "Nah we checked the weather channel, supposed to be clear all weekend, no rain at all". We load up all our gear and get out about 1/2 way across the lake and feel rain drops. We then turn around and go back to the dock - all the while Rick is telling me not to look behind me. So trusting him as I do, I didn't look back. (Actually I thought he might be "marking his territory" in the lake and that is something I never have seen a man do and do not intend to witness for the rest of my life).

We get back to the dock and the reason he didn't want me to look back was because of this big black cloud that was coming our direction. Of course we didn't see this cloud when we first started out because it was hidden behind the tree line. The reason he told me not to turn around was he knows how scared I am of storms, he was afraid I would freak out. (Who, me? Freak out???) How sweet is that. My sweet honey buns.

We get back to the "love nest" just in time for the sky to turn black, the thunder boom and the lightening clash. The rain pouring down in buckets. But, the wind was pretty calm and actually it was rather soothing once I relaxed and took a deep breath. Mountain Man asked me if I wanted to pack up and leave and I said no, I am fine. He then promised he wouldn't let anything happen to me. How sweet is that. My sweet honey buns.

Then, as we are preparing to "kill some time" until the rain ends, we hear... DRIP, DRIP, DRIP... Mountain Man touches his head and says "Well crap! The tent leaks!!!". So the remainder of the night was trying to ditch the drips. The rain finally ended around midnight and it cooled off to a nice summer evening. Mountain Man fell asleep on his little egg-crate foam bed and I was all snuggled sound asleep on my air mattress. Then, in the wee hours of the morning, my poor little Mountain Man wakes me and says, honey can you scoot over and share your mattress with me? The foam bed is soaked and I'm freezing... How sweet is that. My sweet honey buns.

The next morning we were up well before the sun and man, did I have to tinkle!!! OMG!!! It is dark out and that port-a-potty thingy is all the way across the camping area and the only light is our flashlight. I don't think I can walk that far without having an accident. Mountain Man suggested I do like he did and go behind a tree. WHAT!!!! Out there???!!! Where things like spiders and ticks live!! And POISON IVY!!! Holy cow, do I really have to go that bad???? Maybe I can will it to go away. Nope, not working... The cool morning air is not making it any better!!!

Mountain Man says haven't you ever tried going standing up? I told him... Haven't you noticed that my equipment is a little different from yours. He said "I know that, but just spread your legs out real wide and go." Hmmmm... I might be able to do this. Mountain Man says, don't worry, I won't look. See? I'm turning around." Okay, Sherry, you can do this. Concentrate... Goodness, gracious me!!! So I pulled up my gown and spread my legs as far as I could (which is an amazing feat when standing on my feet!!!) The flood gates opened and all I could think was "Ahhhhhhhhhh".

After that, I knew the day couldn't get any worse. Actually it only got better. We found this neat little diner out in the middle of now-where and had a good breakfast, loaded up the boat and proceeded to catch a whole bucket full of fish.
Exhausted, sunburned and sore, I don't think there could have been a better, more romantic weekend in my life. I can't wait to do it again!!!